Have you heard about Uber and Lyft? They’re kind of like taxi services except the drivers are average joes like you and me, who use their regular car, instead of taxis, to drive people around. I have a friend who drives for Lyft. He seems to like it, makes extra cash and meets new people all at the same time. While I was listening to him talk about it, I thought it seemed like a cool idea. But, since I’m a stay-at-home dad, in order for me to be a driver for Lyft, I’d have to take my kids along with me while I picked people up and took them to their destinations.
I immediately saw all the potential problems this could create.
First, the rider would have to choose very carefully where they sat. He or she could ride shotgun next to me, which would involve sitting on piles of unopened mail, Target receipts, wrappers from suckers the bank hands out and other assorted items in my “mobile office.” If that seat wasn’t desirable, he or she could choose whether to ride in the captain’s seat next to the Blonde Bomber (my daughter), or sit in the third row on sticky sucker sticks and Cheerios between Middle Man (my son) and First Born (my other daughter.)
If I were a passenger and these were my only choices, I’d ask to sit on the roof rack.
Not only would seating be an issue, there would also be some detours along the way. In addition to having riders sit in the carpool line for preschool drop-off and pickup, I’m certain at least once daily there would be an emergency potty stop, where we would have to deviate from our route to find the nearest grocery store or gas station bathroom.
Many Uber and Lyft drivers let the passengers choose the music during the drive. This would ABSOLUTELY NOT be the case in my van. All passengers would be subject to watching and listening to DVDs such as Rio 2 and Frozen over and over. The only exception to this rule would be if my kids were napping, then there would be the need for absolute silence the entire drive.
Well, it’s pretty obvious being a chauffeur is not in my immediate future, unless instead of offering bottles of water and mints to customers like many Lyft drivers do, I offered my passengers noise-canceling headphones and hazmat suits.