I have been watching the FX series \u201cThe Assassination of Gianni Versace\u201d lately. When it\u2019s not about assassination, it\u2019s about Versace as a genius designer. Because of that, I\u2019ve been doing something very out of character for me: thinking about fashion. Not my own fashion, of course (this would be depressing). My thoughts have been preoccupied with toddler fashion in general, and my 3 year-old daughter\u2019s fashion, in specific. Because she is 3, my daughter has very specific ideas about what she will and will not wear. When we\u2019re in the middle of a struggle of wills over getting dressed, if I let my mind wander, I start to picture what a toddler fashion show might look and sound like. And coming down the runway now is Jayden. Jayden is wearing a dinosaur T-shirt and his shorts with two of his legs jammed in one hole because he insisted he could do it himself. He\u2019s wearing last summer\u2019s flip flops, even though it\u2019s January and they\u2019re two sizes too small, because he found them in an old box and is now obsessed with them for some reason. A daring choice, Jayden! Next down the runway is Emma. Emma is bringing this season\u2019s hottest look: an Elmo costume she refuses to take off. That\u2019s right, folks, this little beauty got into the Halloween box last week and put this on for fun, and then, in a fun twist, she decided that she would live in this costume until time immemorial. And I\u2019d like you to keep it going for Noah. Noah is wearing his plaid pants paired with his long-sleeve striped shirt, over which he has layered a short-sleeved Mickey Mouse print shirt, his plaid socks, soccer cleats for some reason, and a purse he has decided is a hat. Noah calls this look \u201cready for school pictures!\u201d Mom calls this look, \u201cTesting her conviction that children can and should express themselves through their personal style choices.\u201d Coming your way this time is Max! Max is \u2026 where is Max? Max? Okay, I\u2019m being told that Max is having a tantrum because his milk was \u201ctoo soft\u201d this morning, and so he won\u2019t be able to join us. Such a shame for Max! Now here on the runway now we have Olivia. Olivia is not wearing anything except for her diaper because Olivia decided this morning that she doesn\u2019t want to wear clothes now, or ever! A real minimalist take on fashion, and I like it! Olivia doesn\u2019t, because she\u2019s sat down halfway down the runway and is starting to scream. Lots to talk about with Olivia! Thanks so much to all of our judges and contestants here at the toddler fashion show. I\u2019d especially like to thank Jack\u2019s mom, who is sporting yoga pants she has never done yoga in, an oversized sweatshirt with milk stains on it, and a messy bun meant to disguise the fact that she hasn\u2019t had time to shower in three days. Thanks, Jack\u2019s mom! Anyway, that\u2019s what I think it might look like.