My son is all about Superheroes.
It got me to thinking, “What superpowers does a person gain when they become a parent?” There are more than you might think. Some superpowers are acquired immediately, while others are strengthened over time.
Here are a few superpowers held by many parents.
Soles of Stone- Over time when a parent steps on a Lego, they feel less and less pain. It’s a scientific fact. Over time a parent’s foot turns into one large callous, making it impossible for the tiny little circular lego tops to penetrate the skin. That’s also why women stop taking beach pictures of their feet after they have kids.
Creative Linguistics- When my son runs full speed at me and slams his head into my crotch, my mouth immediately wants to say, “Oh, shi*t! My parent brain knows if say that my kids will repeat it all day, so it instead changes the phrase to the infinitely less offensive. “Oh, shimmer.”
Noise Filter- Once you have a child in your house you learn to filter out most of the general noise (and ignore about 50% of your kids’ questions). Things that used to register high on my non-parenting decibel meter, no longer move the needle.
Sleep- This one’s immediate. Parents don’t even really sleep. They just sort of lay in bed waiting for their kid to scream or come ask them a question.
Numbness to Repetition- Once you have a child you become numb to hearing certain words or phrases over and over again. Dad. Dad. Dad! Dad? Daaaaaaaad!! But, why? Why? Why? This also applies to watching the same movie and listening to the same songs over and over and over again. You know which movie I’m talking about right now too, don’t you?
Boy Who Cried Wolf Decoder- You can identify legitimate screams (fell off top of bunk bed) and false screams (can’t find Pillow Pet) from two rooms over.
Super Smell- When you are in a room with several parents with babies and you smell a dirty diaper, can immediately tell if it smells like it belongs to your kid. Gross, right?
The Cure for Stage Fright- Did you know some people have “stage fright” and can’t use a public bathroom if someone else is the bathroom with them? Not parents, they’ve been peeing and pooping with an audience everyday since their first child could walk, whether they like it or not.
There are many, many more super powers that mere mortals gain once they are permanently in charge of a child. What are some other super powers you gained once you became a parent?