Please don’t offer my kids dessert!

Dear restaurant server,

Don’t ask my kids if they want ice cream for dessert, or any dessert for that matter. I understand you are a teenager and may not understand exactly how these things work, but my kids are not the ones that make that decision. It is a decision made by a parent, not a two-year-old or a four-year-old.

If you are going to directly ask them if they want dessert, there should be some rules in place beforehand. You are only allowed to directly ask my children if they would like ice cream after their meal under the following circumstances:

1. You plan on paying for it. Since you asked THEM, not ME if they wanted ice cream, I assume you understand they don’t have a wallet in their diaper and therefore will not be paying for it.

2. Unless you plan on giving them a clean set of clothes, taking the dirty clothes home, deep cleaning the chocolate spots out of them, washing, drying, folding and returning them to us, then please don’t offer my kids ice cream.

3. Unless you are the one that’s going to come to my house and calm my children down from their sugar buzz and put them to bed for the evening, don’t offer my kids ice cream.

I’m an adult. I can read. I’m fully aware your restaurant has a large dessert list and I’m sure it’s delicious. If I would like a dessert (for me or my kids) I will seek it out myself.

If you would still prefer to offer my kids ice cream, but do not plan on doing the three steps listed above, please be aware that you must assist me calming my child down after you suggest dessert to them, and I tell them no.

Thanks and have a great day. And, next time, as we’re walking out the door, please don’t say, “Kids, come back tomorrow and I’ll give you more ice cream then!”


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