Avoid These Topics for a Stress-Free Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving can be a stressful holiday for many reasons, this year the election makes it even more taxing than usual. Keep your sanity intact this Thanksgiving by avoiding the following topics…

Make _____ Great Again “Pass me the gravy so I can Make This Turkey Great Again!” We get it, Grandpa Republican, we get it.

Electoral College (Also Electorial College as some like to pronounce it.)

Popular vote, whether you like the outcome or not, this is the system we have, we all have to come to terms with it.

Fight Club– IT”S THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB! Don’t talk about Fight Club.

Other things not worth bringing up at the Thanksgiving table…

Safe spaces

“Grab ‘em by the p—y”- This one needs no explanation.

Saturday Night Live– Clearly our President-elect has some difficulties understanding this is a comedy show. There’s no “equal time” for candidates to rebut what is said about them. Once again, the election is over. Let’s not spent time during our Thanksgiving meal debating the merits of a once funny TV show.

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

Political nicknames like: Killary, Barack Obummer, and Trumplethinskin (O.K. that one’s pretty funny). They are all nonsense. They all detract from whatever point you’re trying to make. Using one of these nicknames doesn’t make you clever, much like using curse words gratuitously doesn’t make you sound very smart. There’s no point in doing that sh*t. (You see what I did there?)

The musical Hamilton. Based on the number of tweets President-elect Trump has written about this musical, it clearly has his gold leaf undies in a bunch. There’s no need to bring up such a highly contentious issue that’s seemingly a national crisis for our future leader.

Guns. Gun safety. Gun control. No one is going to change anyone’s mind on this issue. Don’t bother.

The Safety of Tackle Football– This will be a difficult topic to avoid considering it will likely be the only distraction on TV all day.

Feeling the Bern in the political sense, also Feeling the Burn in the STD sense.

Refugees

Whether or not boycotting Starbucks by buying Starbucks is a worthwhile endeavor.

Trump University

Benghazi

If retail stores should be open on Thanksgiving or wait until Black Friday.

Obamacare

Email servers

Grown men with tiny hands. OK, that was a cheap shot.

Fake News– Some of those sites deemed fake may be the most Fair and Balanced news sources your relatives rely upon, so it’s probably best to avoid the topic altogether.

Try not to tell anyone at the table they belong in a basket of deplorables.

Hombres– (Bad ones…It’s ok to talk about good hombres)

Nasty women

It’s not even safe to talk about the weather. This controversial topic could immediately pivot into a conversation about Global Warming.

What’s left? The Cubs winning the World Series seems like a potentially safe topic… even for Reds and Cardinals fans, I suppose. In all seriousness, if you’re still reading this, everyone’s best bet may just be to stick to talking about stuff you can control. Local stuff. Conversations about what your kids are up to, stories from grandparents about their lives growing up, and without a doubt, spend time talking about what you are thankful for, not all the BS listed above, but the stuff that makes you happy, and grateful in your life.

 

Happy Thanksgiving,

Pete

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