One of the things I like most about my marriage, most days, is that my husband is the perfect spontaneous compliment to my schedule loving heart. He has been known to pop the kids in the car, way to close to bedtime, for a last minute run through the dollar store for components of some crazy concoction that he and the kids have come up with. But that’s not really me. Secretly, don’t tell anyone, I am sometimes a little jealous of that carefree side of him, the whole throwing caution to the wind thing is not my style.
But why can’t it be?
No one said I have to be bad cop ALL the time.
As a working mom, and a momprenuer at that, my time is usually scheduled to the minute, while I juggle business building, family finance and all the standard household manager tasks, I don’t have a ton of “free time”, but using that as an excuse wasn’t really helping me to feel any better about my 8 year old asking me why I was ALWAYS working.
So this morning, I pretended to be my husband (hehehe), and snuck out around dawn and took the kids through the drive-thru, in pajamas and flip flops, in the rain. I threw the menu plan out for the day and ignored that nagging inner critic that says it was a waste of money and just lived in the moment. They looked pretty happy about it.
I asked a client this week, one that has had trouble with the behavior of her 8 year old, how much time that they spend together on a regular day. Silently she kind of shook her head to show that no she doesn’t spend any time with him at all. She’s not alone, I ask this question a lot with parents and most of the time I hear the same thing. Evenings are short and packed with things to do and weekends fly by. There’s no time for time. Some researchers have even found that working parents spend an average of 19 minutes per day with their child. 19 MINUTES!
I went to a wonderful training recently on Reactive Attachment Disorder and they suggested a really simple idea, so I’m sharing it with you. 10-20-10. Cute huh? Each day, look for three moments of connection with your children.
- -10 minutes of closeness in the morning
- -20 minutes of closeness when you get home
- -10 minutes of closeness at bedtime
Now of course, more time is always helpful, but isn’t this a great place to start? I’m going to add this to our summer routine which can be slightly less scheduled than the school year, but still jam packed. I’m even putting this time on my planner, because I’m committing to making this a priority.
Let me know what you think, can you pull off the 10-20-10? I want to hear how you’re doing! Well wishes!