Want your child to make friends and develop social skills? Plan a playdate! It sounds simple, but if your child is on the spectrum and has sensory issues, or struggles with their verbal skills or interacting with peers, the thought of scheduling a playdate can feel overwhelming. But it’s not impossible!
Planning a playdate for an autistic kid might take a little more finessing than a playdate for a neurotypical kid, but it’s worth the effort. Here are some things you can do to set your child up for a successful playdate.
Develop a Plan + Make It Fun
Think of what your child is naturally drawn to or good at, and try to incorporate that into the time spent with their peer. Talk to your child about what will happen at the playdate and ask them to help you choose what activities they enjoy. Do they like to swing? Do they enjoy playing with certain toys? Consider activities that are not only fun, but also good for parallel play. Some activities that may be a good fit for the playdate are:
- Building blocks, such as LEGO or magnetic tiles
- Sensory bins
- Outdoor activities, such as playing in the sandbox, swinging, coloring with chalk or blowing bubbles
- Art projects that are age appropriate, non-toxic and easy for the children to complete
- Toys and games that your child enjoys and is comfortable playing with
Explain to your child some of the things that happen at playdates. If the activities will require sharing or taking turns, talk to them about what that looks like. You can do a run through of the playdate before it happens. Set up all the things you will do and practice with your child so they are well prepared before the guest arrives. Make the practice time fun so that they are looking forward to the time when they will get to do it all over again with someone their age.
Consider the Location
Many children on the spectrum find comfort in routine and structure. It might be wise to have the first playdate at your home, which is a place of familiarity for your child, and might help if they start to feel overwhelmed or overstimulated.
Watch the Time
If it’s your child’s first time having a friend over, you will want to respect the time. Don’t schedule too many activities or let the playdate go on for too long. You might even want to go with a shorter time than you feel comfortable with the first time around. Let your child know when the playdate will begin and end, and be sure to communicate to the other parent the importance of sticking to the timed schedule.
Communicate with the Other Parent
Open communication is key. You might want to let them know what has been planned and what to expect when they visit. Be open and honest about your child’s needs. That way, they can also explain to their child what they can expect, too. If your child gets overstimulated or overwhelmed easily, you might want to explain to the parent what that looks like so that they can prep their child and let them know the best way to respond.
Find a Good Match for Your Child
Is there a kid who is extra kind to your child? Is there someone from your child’s class they have mentioned? Reach out to your child’s teacher or another grown-up who knows your child, and ask them for playdate recs.
Create a Quiet Zone
Have a comfortable space set up in the house with pillows, blankets, books, noise-cancelling headphones, fidget toys, lovies, or anything else that calms your child. Let them know this space will be there for them to go to whenever they want. When their peer arrives, show them this space and explain the importance of the quiet zone for your child. Let them know they can enjoy the quiet zone, too.
Playdates are important for our children and can begin at a young age. It might feel like stepping out of your comfort zone, but this step is important — not only your child but also for you. Trust your gut. A little preparation goes a long way. And, remember, if you give it a try and it doesn’t go as you had hoped, don’t give up! Some of the best things in life take time.
